| Till now, last Wednesday was the last I’ve been to
school. It’s been an 8-day hiatus. Seized suddenly by a wave of intense
agony and grave sorrow as I lay down on my bed, I realised that I’m
getting ‘comfortable’ with and in my despondency. Steadily, this maniac
depression in circumventing and encroaching upon me; bit by bit I’m
gradually losing it and giving in to the prevailing darkness. For the eight days I’ve not been to school, the same eight no one from school has ever called or asked after me. As my form teacher is wont to say, “Life goes on”. Life goes on; with or without me. My peers from school go on with their lives. Daily, their thoughts and speech are filled with such generic trivia. Caught up in their carnalities, all they centre on are girls and their breast size, who’s dating whom, skate boarding, how well endowed they are, and the latest trends. The only time the topic changes, albeit briefly, is when they stop to bitch about teachers and whine about the sorry sods of parents they have. Indeed they are going on with life, but theirs’ is a life without a life, lacklustre and without vibrancy. Life goes on or trudges on? How is it, I cannot understand, that people can live out their lives as a hollow of themselves? No vibrancy, no life, no purpose, no warmth, no love… Truly what a horrific waste, what utter waste, to have lived without living. The tears I cry, they flow inwardly, and my heart is exceedingly grieved. How is it possible, for people to be so superficial, caring for mere trivia that is blown away like chaff in the wind? Why do they choose to live artificial lives, pretending that what’s pure, what’s truthful, and what’s lovely, is nothing at all? My dear friend Nicholas revealed to me that I have, in fact, an edge over these people who ‘live in a shell’ for I’ve identified their problems and faced it for them while they become jaded and pretend that they are living such glorious fulfilling lives. He shared with me that it’s better that I realise it now, whilst in my youth, rather than some who’ve gone through half their lives wasted away before coming to their senses, which by then, may well be too late for them to salvage anything from what’s left of it. The pain and sheer agony of their heartache would be magnified a thousand times more, since they know they have no second chances, which is precisely what I have now. Am I fortunate then to have dawned upon this truth now? I have saved my life, but more than that, I have saved a lifetime. In trying to convince them, my friends, of the gravity and stark reality of living empty lives, the result of that is that mine has, seemingly, become as empty. In our heart of hearts, we’ve been down there. We know that road, we know exactly where it ends, and we know that’s not where we want to be. In a world sundered into purity of righteousness and viciousness of vice, how hopelessly lost are we? In our heart of hearts, we’ve been down there. We know that road, we know exactly where it ends, and we know that’s not where we want to be. In a world sundered into purity of righteousness and viciousness of vice, how hopelessly lost are we? The vices of the world are empirically of sensuality and dominance. All of us desperately seek to fill the void in our hearts with either. The seeming fulfilment found in amour is transient and brief, based purely on wanton desire and lust. The sphere of dominance holds all around in an iron grip of influence and power, seeming to dominate yet being dominated – what you think you control, controls you. Others have sought to escape the depravity of the world through religion, however in all their religiosity, they’ve forgotten their God. Few dare face the depths of their hearts, for they fear the horrors they’d find within. Can it be, that truly so few understand the importance of the maxim Descartes wrote, “I think, therefore I am”? Man, know thyself. People are too bothered to be bothered. They don’t want to face up to the reality of the truth. They exert all that they are into doing the things they do. Climbing rung after rung of the proverbial ladder, but alas, what foolishness it is to reach the pinnacle, only to realise that you’ve placed your ladder on the wrong wall? Of all that we postulate and hypothesize, what truly matters and comes to light is the posture of the heart. We’re so caught up in the ‘What’ that we never stop to ponder about the ‘Why’ – incessantly being Martha from biblical caution. None of us look for a miracle, just a reason to believe. |
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